Dating 101: Staying Out Of The Friend Zone

how to avoid the friendzone

By Patrick Ogunnaike

The friend zone is a place that no man wants to be, EVER!  But it’s happened to every single guy at one time or another. You meet a girl, you become friends, maybe you even get real close so you get up the courage to go for it and ask her out.

Then you hear the dreaded words, “I just want to be friends” or “I just don’t want to risk spoiling our friendship”.

Those words cut to the core of everything it means to be a man.


Because it means just one thing, I don’t find you sexually attractive.

So how did you let yourself get into this situation in the first place? Well the simple answer is, that you find yourself in the friend zone because you didn’t do a few key things during the beginning of your relationship with your dream girl.

Call them triggers if you want, but if you don’t hit some or all of them you immediately get slotted into the friend zone and once she see’s you as just a friend it’s almost impossible to change that perception.

The reality is that most guys are good, honest, nice people and these “nice guys” are under the crazy impression that somehow she’s going to see that stuff in you and somehow be attracted.  Unfortunately sexual attraction in women doesn’t work that way. You can’t be seen as sexually attractive by being nonsexual.  Being non-sexual when first meeting is a surefire way to put yourself on the fast track to the friend zone.

staying out of the friendzoneAnother failed strategy many guys try to employ is the “if I just get to know her, be her friend and be there for her then she’ll eventually see what a good catch I am” strategy.  Sorry bud but that crap only works in the movies.

If you ask a woman what turned her on to being attracted to a certain guy she’ll usually say it was his CONFIDENCE but what does she mean by confidence? What does this “confidence” look like?

Here are 5 key actions you need to take that will make her check off the “he’s got confidence” box in her head when she thinks of you.

1)      Introduce Yourself:  Be the one to initiate the conversation. Relax, smile and just say hi or make a funny comment. If she smiles back, laughs at your joke then you’re in. Being able to introduce yourself to a total stranger takes balls and women know and appreciate it.

2)      Make Her Laugh: Once you’ve started talking, your next goal is to be able to make her laugh. The number one thing women always say they want in a man is someone who can make them laugh. Each time you do it, you’re actually causing an endorphin release in her brain. This pleasure hormone immediately makes her like you and want to be around you.

3)      Tease Her & Play With Her: Now that you’re making her laugh you need to play with her. Tease her, this immediately tells her very important things about you.

It tells her that you’re super comfortable in your own skin and that you’re not trying to impress her.  It also creates a lot of sexual tension.

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4)      Be Bold & Direct But Funny: When I say being direct and bold, what I mean is say things that a “nice guy” would never say. It could be a dirty joke, or a comment about something dumb she’s doing or an opinion she has that you don’t agree with.  The way you know you’re on the right track is she’ll usually gasp and say “I can’t believe you just said that!” If she gives you a playful smack on the shoulder or push es you, that’s even better.

This may seem counter intuitive but being direct not only builds attraction but it also builds trust. It tells her that you’re not going to sugar coat your opinions just to kiss up to her. This is what a real man does.

5)      Don’t Be Too Available:  Do not, under any circumstances be at her beck and call. It can even pay to be a bit elusive. I once heard dating guru David Deangelo say “give her the gift of missing you.” Being too available just kills all of the sexual tension and radiates friend zone status straight to her subconscious.

If you never want to experience the friend zone speech again from a girl that you’re into then you need to follow these 5 rules. Sure there are lots of other things you could do but these basic 5 will get you started. If you have any other questions or suggestions, put them in the comments below.

The best defense is a good offense and the best way to get out of the friend zone is to make sure you never get into it in the first place.

**Update, if you want more info about friend zone psychology check out this great video from Vsauce – The Science Of The Friend Zone.